Mindset

The Most Important Reasons Why “Live and Learn” is Keeping You Stuck

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There are a lot of old sayings that I have heard my whole life that I am working on unlearning. A few that come to mind are, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all, big boys don’t cry, and live and learn.” We could debate and could write about why each of these doesn’t fit in today’s world but for today I want to tackle only the last one. 

Live and learn. It seems like an innocuous and mundane enough statement that it’s hardly worth consideration. So why am I asking you to not ignore it? Because I think it is a major cause for you and me, and many other people we know, to stay stuck in the same ruts day after day and year after year. “Why?” You may think. Because it gives us an excuse to stay where we are And as Peter Shilton says, “If you stand still, there is only one way to go and that is backward.”  It doesn’t have to be that way. Keep reading.

To me, when someone says to live and learn they are making an excuse for why something other than the best happened. To say the same thing a different way, here is what I believe the hidden message behind this statement is: “Oh well, I tried. Too bad it didn’t work out, but I’ll try harder next time.” WRONG! My friend, I believe you, I, and we can and should do better.  

The problems with accepting this mindset are several if not many. First, we are saying to ourselves that we can’t do better and get better and that most things happen TO us and not FOR us. Next, it’s a mental shrug of the shoulders and a verbal “oh well” that has long-term subconscious repercussions. And finally, it accepts failure without trying to do anything about it.

I want to encourage you to do better and be better. And it is not difficult to do. It simply requires self-awareness, mindfulness, and a positive attitude. It requires you to view failure as an event rather than a person, as the great Zig Ziglar said. Most importantly, I want to mentor you to learn from the past but not to live in it.

You see, if you’re like me, it’s easy to dwell on past failures and wish we would have done or said things differently or made a greater and more concentrated effort to do our best. Thinking about these things in and of itself is not harmful, but dwelling on them and not learning from them over time can do a great deal of damage. This is why it is so critical to develop the mindset of gaining control of your failures rather than becoming a victim of them. 

Here is what I believe: Your failures of the past only control your future results to the degree that you allow them to remain in the present. I like that so much, I just shared it on social media! Your tomorrow begins today and it begins by learning from past mistakes and resolving to not allow those to control your future, but rather to make you better today, which over time will make you unstoppable in the future. The result will be that instead of reluctantly living and learning, we can from heretofore resolve to confidently say, “Live and Learn – and get smarter every day!”

Here is the simplest and easiest way I know to make past failures work in your favor for the future. Michael Hyatt calls it an after-action review. I believe he borrowed it from the military. Depending on the scope and scale of the situation, this can be done by yourself in a journal or on a tablet, or as part of a team or family meeting to involve everyone involved in the event. There are four simple steps and/or questions to ask. The questions are simple but don’t move off of them too quickly because this is where the future results begin to change. Here they are: 

  • What did I/we do well?
  • What did I/we do poorly?
  • What do I/we need to keep doing (better)?
  • What do I/we need to stop doing?

I promise you if you will make this a part of your self-evaluation beginning today, you will never be stuck again. You will be forever moving forward and will have no reason to dwell on the past ever again except to use it as a wise teacher who shows you how to be and do better every day. Why would you wait another day to start? Your future is waiting.

Did you enjoy this article? If you haven’t already, please be sure to subscribe to this blog, where I post every Tuesday. You can also get additional free content by subscribing to my YouTube channel or following me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or LinkedIn.

I also invite you to review my coaching page on my website here. I have only a couple of spots left in my Personal Development Coaching Practice. Each week I offer two free strategy sessions on a first-come, first-served basis to people interested in exploring how to become a person who pursues their goals and dreams. These special hour-long sessions prove again and again to be invaluable to those who participate. You can book these directly on my coaching page – I look forward to serving you.

Your Life, Your Goals: Far from Perfect but More than Enough

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Everything I listen to and read these days talks about the anxiety that is pervading our society. Obviously, we are all dealing with a worldwide situation that is unlike anything we’ve ever encountered. That combined with a world that continues to change at warp speed, and some might argue not always in the best ways, is enough to heap stress on even the most at peace among us.

This leads me to encourage you to stop and reflect on the handful, or is it a scarce few, or perhaps only one person, who, despite all of the chaos and confusion around them, seems to chug right along. Not only do they appear unaffected, but they actually seem to find joy in the midst of it all. Or so it seems. I haven’t met a person recently, if ever, who doesn’t have challenges to overcome. The difference between those who show it and those who “go with the flow” is not some magic formula; it is simply the right mindset.

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How Destructive are you Allowing your Growing Anger to Become?

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Let me put your mind at ease. This is not another article written to promote a divisive agenda or stir up anger in any way. If you follow me at all, I hope you know by now that it is not my style at all. So I don’t want to make you angry today, but I do want you to consider your anger today. 

If you’re like me and pretty much every other human on the planet, you can easily justify your anger. And I’m guessing you do it much more than you realize. But before we get too far down the rabbit hole, allow me to pause you for a moment and to ask you to consider your own self-anger. Again, I’m sensing your dismissiveness around this topic, but I’m also betting there’s more smoldering under the surface than you realize.

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The Essential Skill Needed: Act Your Way Into Feeling

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If you’re like most people I know and talk to, you’re largely happy and fulfilled with what you are doing and where you perceive your life is headed. You work hard, you love well, and sometimes you even take a little time for yourself to recharge your batteries. I also hope in recent weeks, like me, you have been able and comfortable to regather with friends and in groups and to remember how great it is to interact with like-minded human beings. 

However, if they are honest, most people also feel a hole or a sense of loss in the pit of their stomachs. They know they could and should be doing more and fulfilling a higher calling in their life. For some people, it’s just a feeling. There is a clear picture they have in mind to accomplish, but the cares of the world and their jam-packed schedules never allow them the time to get where they want to go. And that leads to frustration. Sound familiar?

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Are You Choosing to be Intentional or Leaving Your Legacy to Chance?

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Intentionality. It’s something I talk, write, and coach about a lot. Chances are, if you’ve followed me for any amount of time, you have heard this before. So why am I writing about it again? Because primarily, I think it is an evergreen message, and secondarily it is a message that can be relearned daily. 

Whether you know it or not, you are making an influence in the world. When we talk about people who make an influence or who we call an influencer, we think in grandiose terms. But the truth is, we all make a difference and have influence over other people. This week I want to coach you in writing to recognize it and to turn it more positively intentionally. 

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The Science of your Thoughts. Do you Focus on Amygdala or Neocortex?

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Recently, I have been reading, listening, and learning about the neuroscience of our brains. I will explain why shortly, but before you wonder if I am committed to learning more about how I and we make decisions, or if I should just be committed, allow me to explain my recent fascination briefly with neuroscience and how it shows our potential to become better decision-makers. 

As a writer, speaker, and coach, I have become obsessed with how people think and how I can help them train their minds to think not just differently but more positively. It turns out there is much to learn here. I will say from the outset that I have nothing more than the most basic and rudimentary understanding of my topic this week. But I hope when you learn a little more about it, that like me, the topic will pique your interest and encourage you to become a better version of yourself.

So, my basic learning has shown me that there are two key components to the limbic system of your brain that control how you receive and process information and what you do with it once you have received it. Although they are very different in their activities and information processing, they are equally important in understanding how we think and how we respond.

First, let’s meet our amygdala; I’ll call her Amy for short. Good, old Amy. She is the life of the party, but she can also be Debbie Downer. She is the girl who experiences and feels all of our emotions. Unfortunately, she tends towards Debbie more often than not. She is the one who teaches us to fear any impending danger, whether real or imagined. It’s the part of your brain that, if you see a snake crawling in your path or a fin heading toward you in the ocean, tells you to run (or swim) in the opposite direction ASAP!

Amy runs the gambit of emotions covering everything from sexual pleasure to terrifying fears or traumas. The old girl is always on the lookout for emotional opportunities, and fortunately, she is somewhat regulated by her close cousin Neo, also known as the neocortex. One of Amy’s shortcomings is she can’t talk, think, or make decisions; she can only feel. On the other hand, Neo might be referred to as, well, the brains of the operation. 

The neocortex is the part of the brain that has reasoning and decision-making capabilities. It takes all of the information that Amy gives him and considers logic, truth, past circumstances, and other inputs to make the right decisions. The good news is that while Amy is a little hard to control, training Neo can be trained to grow. This introduces a term called neuroplasticity. In layman’s terms, it means you can train your brain to develop new, better systems to make decisions every day and throughout your day.

According to my hasty research, it is widely held within the medical industry that the best way to increase neuroplasticity is through meditation and/or prayer. This is something that I write, speak, and coach about every day. The second similarly agreed-upon practice is journaling, which I have written about and transformed my mindset and decision-making each day. It is also working for almost every person I have recommended it to, either in coaching or casual one-on-one conversations. 

So, at this point, your question may be, “why does all of this matter?” I will say this. If we can train our brains to worry less and focus on the truth more, how much more productive could we be in each area of our lives? How much time do you spend each day worrying about things beyond your control or wishing you could replay a past conversation or decision? What if you invested even a fraction of that time focusing on positively impacting others and yourself through your next action and interaction?

Meditation, journaling, and intentional decision-making can transform your life. I believe it because I have seen it work in my life and the lives of others. There are many other ways to grow your mind and your results. I would challenge you with the words of the Apostle Paul:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

I can’t think of any better way to close this post than that! How about you?

Did you enjoy this article? If you haven’t already, please be sure to subscribe to this blog, where I post every Tuesday. You can also get additional free content by subscribing to my YouTube channel or following me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or LinkedIn.

I also invite you to review my coaching page on my website here. I have only a couple of spots left in my Personal Development Coaching Practice. Each week I offer two free strategy sessions on a first-come, first-served basis to people interested in exploring how to become a person who pursues their goals and dreams. These special hour-long sessions prove again and again to be invaluable to those who participate. You can book these directly on my coaching page – I look forward to serving you.

When You Join the Race Toward Peak Performance, What Do You Feed Your Mind?

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I believe that everyone has aspirations of being better, doing better, and having more. Especially if you are reading this post and have followed my journey over the last couple of years, I attempted to give you aims, attitudes, and aspirations that you can use to achieve your biggest dreams and goals.

Yes, if you are honest with yourself, you want to leave a legacy for future members of your family, your friends, and your business and for your life to have mattered once you are near the end. Not everyone feels this way, but I don’t talk to or interact with many who don’t. They’re just not part of my audience. And that’s ok. But since you’re here, Mr. or Ms. Legacy Builder, let’s continue!

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Arrange Your Time into Meaningful Assets Rather than Careless Expenses

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To begin this week, let’s start with a little lesson on business. When running a successful business, most people would agree that the way you utilize your assets and control your expenses will in large part determine the ultimate success or failure of your business. Assets are commonly defined as any property owned by a firm. They can be fixed, current, liquid, or intangible and are balanced against liabilities.

I won’t get too technical here, but the most common forms of assets are cash, inventory, property, and equipment. If you have substantially more assets than liabilities, your business will be in a very advantageous position, but the opposite is also true. To quickly move our conversation from business to life, let’s consider the one thing that no matter how successful we are in either sphere, we will never have enough time.

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What do You Really Think When You Capture Your Innermost Thoughts?

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I heard someone say over the weekend that the average person has around 6,000 thoughts every day. My immediate thought was, “Is that all?” Allow me to explain. I have been working all year on developing the habits I need to get thoughts out of my head and become better at living from my heart. If you are a person who thinks a lot and doesn’t necessarily feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with others, like me, you know what I mean.

My wife, on the other hand, does not understand. She is very expressive and verbose and likes to discuss the twelve possible solutions to any of our current challenges, such as where to go for dinner. It makes for some frustrating interactions. Thus, my need (after over 30 years of marriage) to adjust and become more expressive.

Here is the bad news about the 6,000 thoughts that I heard. Of the 6,000 thoughts that people have each day, 4,800 of them are negative. In other words, 80% of the thoughts most people think each day are negative, and only 1,200 (or 20%) are positive. The good news is that every one of us has the ability to change our thinking. 

I am certainly not a psychologist, nor am I learned in the ways the mind works. I do know, however, things that you and I can do to help train our minds to develop the habits we need to begin thinking more positively. Like any other purpose-producing activity, developing positive habits is simple, but it’s not easy. It requires daily commitment and daily improvement. But the one thing I do know about our minds is that we can train them to do, learn, or aspire to almost anything.

As my friend Tom Ziglar says, “What you feed your mind determines your appetite.” It works both ways, of course, and our mental diet is no different than our physical diet. The more junk we eat, or the more junk we allow into our mind, the more our appetite for junk increases. And the more our desire for the “good stuff” decreases. Fortunately, this theory also works just like the good, the positive, and the powerful. Develop a diet of the things that build you up physically or mentally, and your body and mind will crave more and more.

I can’t help thinking (pun intended) about a verse from the Bible authored by the Apostle Paul which encourages us “to take every thought captive.” Initially, this may seem like a silly, if not impossible, idea. But I believe it is the beginning of starting your positive mental diet. Simply stated, I believe taking every thought captive means gaining control over what you think about yourself and your life. 

If you think about it (ok, I promise that’s the last bad dad joke), you have experienced this phenomenon your whole life. As a kid, if you watched a scary movie before bed, you likely had nightmares or woke up screaming and crying because of the images and messages you allowed into your mind. It plays out in situations throughout our life. How many times have you thought to yourself, ” don’t do this,” and that’s exactly what you end up doing?

As an avid golfer, I live this every time I play. I am looking at a shot to my target on the green with the innocuous flag flapping in the wind to show me my target. But where does my focus go to immediately? The water I have to hit the ball over to get to my target. In closing, allow me to suggest a few ideas to take your thoughts captive to get you over your water and aiming towards your targets.

First, evaluate what you are feeding your mind. What are you watching, reading, and listening to? I cannot emphasize enough the importance of feeding your mind the best. If you think you can, you will. If you think you can’t, you won’t. Don’t gloss over that last sentence. It is profoundly true. Therefore, consider what influence your inputs are having on your mindset.

Next, I cannot encourage you enough to begin practicing and perfecting the habit of journaling. I prefer good old pen and paper because I believe that when you are physically writing something on paper, it leaves a much greater subconscious impact than typing something into a computer or telephone. Whether you agree or not, don’t make it an excuse not to start. It is like exercising. You are not going to run a marathon on your first day jogging. Just start and build up to proficiency. Your first efforts will be your worst, but they will improve the longer you commit to doing it.

Finally,  I am going to suggest that you pray and/or meditate daily. Of course, as a Christian, I would encourage you to focus on the Word and the promises of God. They are vast, and they are amazing! But certainly, you do not have to be a Christian or a person of faith at all to take time to think and focus on the positives and the things you have to be grateful for in your life. I cannot recommend a better tool to improve your mindset than thinking about, praying, and then expressing gratitude. 

I would love to hear your thoughts (sorry, I couldn’t resist) on how you begin to take your thoughts captive. It is a daily endeavor that won’t be perfect, but it can perfectly begin to change the way you think. And once you begin to do that, the changes you can make within yourself, your family, and your community are as profound as your thoughts.

Did you enjoy this article? If you haven’t already, please be sure to subscribe to this blog, where I post every Tuesday. You can also get additional free content by subscribing to my YouTube channel or following me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or LinkedIn.

I also invite you to review my coaching page on my website here. I have only a couple of spots left in my Personal Development Coaching Practice. Each week I offer two free strategy sessions on a first-come, first-served basis to people interested in exploring how to become a person who pursues their goals and dreams. These special hour-long sessions prove again and again to be invaluable to those who participate. You can book these directly on my coaching page – I look forward to serving you.

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While Aiming to be Interesting, Show Others How Much You’re Interested

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A dear friend of mine likes to say, “it’s hard to see the whole picture when you’re in the frame.” There is a lot of truth and perhaps a gentle “ouch” in that statement. Think about the last time you took a picture with a friend, family member, or other groups of people. What determines the quality of the photo (in your opinion)? It is, of course, how good YOU look in the photo!

Sure other people may have their eyes closed, mouth open, or other unflattering poses, but if the picture of you looks good, it is a “great shot.” From a very early age, all of us are always consciously aware of not only our appearance but also how others perceive us, at almost any moment in any day. This doesn’t make you a bad or vain person; it makes us human beings.

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