Action

Do you think before you act? Getting control of your subconscious mind

How many times have you done something (nor not done something) and said to yourself, or even out loud, “I can’t believe I just did that!” If I were to rephrase the question to myself humbly, I would have to start the question with, how many times each day? But that’s just me. I am sure that never happens to you.

Research tells us that our minds have somewhere around 6,000 thoughts per day. I have a gift for asking my wife to add a few more related to me each day. That usually goes over really well. Jokes aside, thank goodness that many, no most, of the thoughts we have each day we are not even aware of. If we had to keep up with 6,000 thoughts, imagine how much more tired you would be every night! Fortunately, our subconscious mind works overtime, so we don’t have to. 

Let me share an example of what I mean. If you go to an office every day or have a store, shop, or restaurant frequently, how many times have you been driving to that place lost in thought about all kinds of things? You weren’t paying attention to where you were going, your speed, or anything else. You may have arrived there with almost no memory of anything during the drive. Your subconscious mind took over and led you there without effort.

In many ways, this can be a good thing. Why? Because you don’t have to expend energy thinking about what you are doing. You get in your car, and your subconscious mind takes over and leads you to the place that you’ve been hundreds of times before. This frees you up to think about the people you might be meeting there, the things you’re going to do once you arrive, or any other task on your mind. 

The exciting thing is when your subconscious mind leads you to repeat behaviors or attitudes that are not helpful and work against you; then it’s time to bring those thoughts under control. Again, let me illustrate my point with a couple of examples that hopefully will help you identify areas in your own life where you need to evaluate yourself.

I have a habit of becoming very defensive anytime someone disagrees with me or suggests I may be off base. I’m not too fond of this about myself, but unfortunately, for reasons I don’t even understand, it is a behavior I adopted over the years. I have had to work diligently on myself (with the help of a couple of trusted advisors in my life) to learn to respond rather than react when I face a challenging conversation. I won’t get into the minutiae of the thoughts and behaviors, but now I can often pause, take a deep breath, and gather my thoughts before reacting, which generally comes as anger, dismissiveness, or worse. 

Also, I used to drive like I was in a NASCAR race no matter where I was going. Worse still, in addition to driving at high rates of speed, I could easily be provoked to road rage and doing and saying things that were not part of my core values. I recently learned to slow down, relax, and enjoy listening to music or podcasts that inspire me while driving. I am a much nicer guy behind the wheel now. 

These are a couple of examples of things I have identified as subconscious behaviors that are destructive to who I want and aspire to be. I have had to go through a process of self-awareness and self-discovery to get to this place, but it has been well worth the effort. Are there things in your life that you have been holding onto or doing without thinking for way too long? Are they the source of walls you have built up with those closest to you? I am sure that all of us have at least one thing that we, and those closest to us, would like us to change. 

To get you to commit to training versus trying, l offer the following suggestions. You’ve wanted to do many things in the past but trying harder, rushing through things, and working longer is not the answer. I can’t give you a hard and fast solution that for sure will apply to you. Nonetheless, try to implement these ideas, and you will begin to find the answers for yourself.

First, make commitments to yourself. Schedule time, do it consistently and find someone to hold you accountable. Commitments trump feelings every time. Next, prepare and commit to the change. Again, thinking about doing something is just a dream. Committing and doing it is where change occurs. Finally, put systems in place and evaluate results. Without a target to shoot for and without guideposts along the way, how will you know if you’re on track? As you evaluate your results, I would further challenge you to ask yourself and/or to share with your coach or accountability partner the tough questions that no one else will. This is where real change begins.

Whether you have developed a bad habit during the pandemic the last couple of years or have behavior that has plagued you for most of your life, stop accepting those behaviors, make a plan to change them, and work on them diligently. I would love to hear from you about the things you are working on and the results. I know you can do great things.

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I also invite you to review my coaching page on my website here. I have only a couple of spots left in my Personal Development Coaching Practice. Each week I offer two free strategy sessions on a first-come, first-served basis to people interested in exploring how to become a person who pursues their goals and dreams. These special hour-long sessions prove again and again to be invaluable to those who participate. You can book these directly on my coaching page – I look forward to serving you.

Your Life, Your Goals: Far from Perfect but More than Enough

Everything I listen to and read these days talks about the anxiety that is pervading our society. Obviously, we are all dealing with a worldwide situation that is unlike anything we’ve ever encountered. That combined with a world that continues to change at warp speed, and some might argue not always in the best ways, is enough to heap stress on even the most at peace among us.

This leads me to encourage you to stop and reflect on the handful, or is it a scarce few, or perhaps only one person, who, despite all of the chaos and confusion around them, seems to chug right along. Not only do they appear unaffected, but they actually seem to find joy in the midst of it all. Or so it seems. I haven’t met a person recently, if ever, who doesn’t have challenges to overcome. The difference between those who show it and those who “go with the flow” is not some magic formula; it is simply the right mindset.

Are you Accepting Good Enough Because Your Fear is Great?

The more people I talk to and interact with, the more I hear it. Oh, it isn’t necessarily the same words, the same circumstances, or the same reasons but at the core, so many of us are overwrought with fear. There are plenty of sources that we blame for it, and certainly, almost a year into a global pandemic and all of the socioeconomic repercussions and fallout take it to the top of the list.

The truth is, if we didn’t have a pandemic we would create other excuses. Although most everyone knows what they need to do to overcome it, few people actually do it. Why is the pullback to comfortable so, well, comfortable? I don’t have all of the answers but the prevalence of this phenomenon cannot be ignored, and I hope to not only expose it with this post but to give you suggestions for how to overcome it beginning today.

Created on Purpose for a Purpose? Why is the Best Answer

I have some very good news for you this week. I hope you can receive it not only from the purpose for which I intend it but also with an appreciation for the clarity I hope it begins to bring to your life. My friend, I am convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that you were created for a specific purpose that only you can accomplish.

I believe that you are uniquely gifted to do something that only you can do, using only what you have at this moment, and with whatever you have experienced in your life up to this point. Whether you believe it or not (yet), I hope in the next few hundred words to convince you of this fact.

Abundance and Importance Versus a Scarcity Mindset and Urgent

As we settle into the new year, I want to encourage you this week to continue to keep at the forefront of your mind those ideas, dreams, and goals you started the year with. Many people who are not reading this article and are not focused on becoming the best versions of themselves have already long forgotten all of the things they said they were going to do this year.

This brings me to my first encouragement for you in this post. Ideas are just dreams until they’re written down. If you haven’t already, it’s never too late to start but wherever you fall here, get your dreams, visions, ideas, goals, and any and everything else you want to accomplish down on paper. Got it? Good.

Action Equals Achievement that Dreams will Never Accomplish

When it comes to accomplishments in life, no matter whether it is personal, professional, relational; or any other facet, there are dreamers and there are achievers. If you’re like most people, you likely see yourself as the latter rather than the former.

If you’re not sure, or if you find yourself with a lot of dreams but not a lot of accomplishments I want to share with you in this post what separates dreamers from achievers and the three easy steps to transition into someone who is consistently achieving their goals and desires.

Replacing Hurt and Anger with Love and Compassion

Like most other people, I feel it is my obligation to express my thoughts and feelings around what has happened in our country since the death of George Floyd on Memorial Day. 

I will say from the outset that as an aging white male I am completely unqualified to speak on behalf of any other people who have been unfairly judged, targeted, and discriminate against. As a person who loves God and loves all people, however, my heart hurts, and my anger, dismay, and sorrow demand action.

One Step in the Direction of Success

So we’re approaching the end of May. It seems like the Pandemic has been going on for a lot longer than the ten weeks or so that we have all been adjusting to the “new normal.” How are you doing? How are you feeling?

I have to admit, the last two to three weeks for me have been the hardest. At the beginning of our shelter in place orders, perhaps the novelty made it interesting. As time has worn on, and the situation is slowly seeming to turn for the better, I have to admit I am struggling to remain focused on my goals. How about you?